Thursday, July 14, 2005
SOW: Simian Uprising
From simianuprising.com
The rising Jamaico-Conservative threat
- or -
Stephen Harper is a big jerk.
by Jeremy Clarke @ 2:20 pm
In Canada a federal election is on the horizon, and
the prospects are looking decidedly bad. The Liberals
(big L) are down because they did some bad things
and everyone is angry. Our two right-wing parties (the
ALLIANCE and the PROGRESSSIVE CONSERVATIVES,
completely whack and just bad respectively) have
joined power-rings to make the mysteriously even MORE
right-wing CONSERVATIVE (big C) party.
See, normally the liberals win a lot, do something
bad, and the tories (prog. cons.) take over for a few
years before the liberals take it back. Not ideal but
reasonable, and the PC has always shown restraint and
at least remained Canadian in shape and direction.
But the New Right does not guarantee even that. They
want to make Canada the quainter United-States,
boasting policies that even the previous leader of the
Progessive Conservatives, Joe Clarke, has said
constitute a scary vision of canada.
I of course will be voting for the NDP (New Democratic
Party, the Left), who have mysteriously and amazingly
chosen a friend of mine as the representative for my
riding (of course, the Liberals will win here,
guaranteed, but the thought is still nice). The NDP
will not win the government though, despite their
niceness, largely because they have done seemingly
reckless things when they've taken control of
provinces.
So we are left with the Liberals, normally dead center
of the question (for Canada. They would of course
constitute revolutionaries were they 200km to the
south) but lately a bit right, and the Conservatives,
terrifyingly right and threatening to have far too
much power because of the general anger towards the
economically philandering Liberals. A scary thing.
All this to get to the real point, being that for my
current employment I have been calling people in the
Carribbean, asking for them by name, and trying to
make them do a survey, and yesterday I talked to
someone in Jamaica who's name was Stephen Harper,
which is the same as the name of the leader of the
Conservatives, and he was a big freakin jerk.
Which of course is unquestionable proof that people
named Stephen Harper, internationally and
pan-continentially, are big freakin jerks.
And I hate them.
- Some honourable gentlemen: Hear, hear!
Editor's note: If the brain-dead hordes of Canaduh ever actually elect that twat Harper, his first action will be to make Niagara Falls flow south, as his predecessor claimed it does on national TV. Whether this will involve re-routing the Niagara River (and presumably relocating Lakes Erie and Ontario), repealing the laws of gravity or simply changing the directions on maps of Canada (i.e. via the Modified Moronic Projection) has yet to be determined by the Conservative® brain trust.
